Looking death in the face
This posting is about how our perception of life changes when we confront death – the ultimate reality – and become fully aware of our own mortality, and that of those around us.
I spoke today to someone who has an aunt who was desperately ill with cancer. Fortunately she has completely recovered, but the experience has changed her forever as a person.
Her tone of voice is now definite and assured. She has become more assertive and is unwilling to settle for less than she really wants. She is taking on life on her own terms and deciding what she will invest her time in. She has forgiven her brother and become closer to her family.
One day I spoke to someone who was affected by a bank processing error. In this situation, people tend to react in accordance with their own state of growth – the state of the heart is soon revealed by the fruit of the mouth. Most people take the opportunity to simply vent their frustration.
I was surprised at how this man took the problem in his stride. It was like he was wearing an invisible protective suit that shielded him – he demonstrated true maturity that is seldom seen.
He explained it was because he had lost his only son several years before in an accident. He was no longer grieving and was at peace with himself but the issues of life and death had put everything else into its proper perspective. He was no longer affected by the static of daily life.
Small issues were now unimportant: he had faced a much larger issue and experienced a magnitude of loss that made the random events of daily life fade into the background. He had the strength to come out of the other side of death and gain a new view on life.
In both cases, looking death in the face lead to a change in perspective. The person sees the big picture and understands that life is precious, a priceless gift that needs to be valued, not taken for granted. When life takes on a higher value, they are no longer to squander their time doing what other people want them to do – they cherish every day and seek to find meaning in it.
They forgive petty issues and see that in the context of eternity that it is not worth holding a grudge. They cut through the superficial relationships and see who and what really matters.
We shouldn’t need to look death in the face to gain this perspective. What can we learn from others who have had to face serious health issues or heart breaking losses?
We can make the decision to actually live our lives with conviction, rather than being stuck in the pettiness of the moment. We can start to value our time, understanding our own mortality and limitations. We can forgive others. We can value those we love. At any time, we can start to fully live, letting go of what holds us back.
Tags: mortality, perspective
September 12th, 2010 at 3:26 am
It is complicated. There are families, societies, governments and self indulgences. To toss it all away and become gold is truly hard and leads to drastic decisions and renounces that often we dismiss because we are afraid, or concerned or sincerely care about the others around us. And all in all if happiness is only an idea in our mind, why should we bother and quit our job or leave our cities and travel or follow our dreams? Aren’t our dreams just whatever we want them to be? If that is true we do not need to change anything and just be happy. Right, But how? To look at our own mortalities and cherish life is also a very romantic image that would make sense as long as we have positive energy and will to live. When all is left is tiredness and boredom these statements make no sense and we live in our dumb state without even hoping for a better life, because it would make no difference to be happy or sad when one is dumb and fed up with life. Maybe there is faith. But faith is also another form of deploying our energies in the name of a higher purpose. What I see as real is only energy and motion. It does not really matter how happy we are, what really matters is how much energy we stored and the way we deploy this energy: in a resourceful and balanced way. But I see energies dimming away from the individual, and the sense of sadness, aloofness and distance becoming the background of human realities relentlessly moving away. For ever. What troubles us human is the struggle to let go and become aware that we are going nowhere and that nothing make sense, because sense is only the fabrication of our minds. The choice is to live in a miserable or blissful state. The amount of energy is the same. Then I look around and see famine, wars abundance and parties. And I wonder: how can it be that we all have choice? Where is the choice for those born in misery?