Mid life is a time of transition from youth to full maturity and to old age, when a person becomes aware of their own mortality. As with any time of change, this involves a painful process of self discovery and change. This is given the term “mid-life crisis”.

Often it is difficult because a person feels that they have not achieved what they set out to do. For example, a 19 year old man may aim to become a sports star, a successful business man, an astronaut, winner of a Nobel prize and marry Miss Universe (all at the same time). At age 45, he may be very disappointed to find that these dreams didn’t come true, and that his achievements are mediocre compared to the aspirations he had. This is even the case if the person has achieved a great deal by any objective standard.

Up to a certain point, the person believes that the dreams still have a chance of coming to fruition, but at the mid-life point, there is the realisation that time is no longer on his side and that reality is somewhat different. A feeling of disappointment sets in, and the middle aged person seeks distractions – a fast car, a girlfriend or new youthful clothing. None of these outward changes are inwardly convincing. After a while, the person does come to terms with their life, but it is very difficult.

Robert Bly calls this process “sitting in the ashes” and that is an apt metaphor. The cold ashes are the dreams that have been consumed, but can no longer provide any warmth for the future.

What can be done to avoid or get out of a mid-life crisis? Well, firstly it is a matter of confronting reality. Time is passing and life no longer stretches out ahead for eternity like a summer’s day at the beach when you are 14. Our bodies age. That is a fact. Facts need to be accepted, not denied, and then changes made to adjust. Denial of reality is unhealthy and painful.

Then the person must let go of the old dreams. These are not the dreams that make us an individual. These are the dreams of external material things that we did not achieve for one reason or another at the time in our life when we measured ourselves more closely against others and relied on the approval of our boss and others to achieve our goals. Often they are not actually things that we need to be happy. When they no longer have relevance to our deepest desires, they can safely be released.

To release old dreams, we need to get some fresh new dreams. With the wisdom that comes from living another 20 years, you gain self knowledge – you understand who you are and what matters to you.

These new dreams will be bigger and relevant again to you, and can be achieved without the approval or censure of another person. Once you get some new dreams, you can set goals in place to move ahead and turn them into reality and get on with enjoying the rest of the journey. This time, it is the ride rather than the destination that counts.

As you realise your own personal dreams, you increasingly become your own person as you bring out your own individuality. This is another step towards self actualization and the joy and fulfillment of becoming the best that you can.

Tags: goals, mid life crisis

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 10th, 2007 at 8:50 pm and is filed under Life stages. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.