Guard your heart more than anything else, because the source of your life flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23

I believe the human is like a medieval citadel or castle. On the outside is the face that presents to the world. It is what a stranger sees. It has high walls that protect the inside from invaders or the view of the curious.

Those who live inside can enjoy peace and privacy. They can rely on the protection of the walls and moat outside. This is not to say that they are unable to interact with those outside who come to trade for mutual benefit, but they can do so on their own terms. At the same time, invaders are kept at a safe distance. The citadel serves a useful purpose. It guards the heart.

When we are born, we don’t have these high walls in place. We have to rely on the protection of our parents until we get to the stage where we can distinguish between good and bad people and either welcome or repel them accordingly. It is often painful as we learn to build the walls that let us interact safely with others.

There are two skills that we acquire with maturity. Firstly there is ability to assess whether someone brings benefit or danger, or assess a situation. Secondly there is the response to the person or situation.

The problem arises when we are unable to exercise these skills. This results either in exposure to nuisance, loss or danger, or a completely inappropriate response. I will give a real life example.

A former colleague went for a walk at night through a dangerous park in an unfamiliar city while on a business trip. He is a very nice guy, but he has “victim” written all over him. He is not streetwise, or able to look after himself. One look at him is enough for a criminal to pick him as an easy target. Anyway he was mugged. Rather than handing over his wallet, he struggled with his attackers and was slightly injured.

If he had developed his walls properly, he would have assessed the situation as risky. He would avoid a needless risk by asking the concierge of the hotel about the best way to go. He would be ready to defend himself, and this would have shown in his demeanour. He would not be as readily targeted. He would be able to assess the risk and decide whether to fight off the attackers or simply hand over his wallet.

The opposite error to not responding enough is to over-respond, or react. Instead of an appropriate response, the person is inappropriate and either excessive, or does not respond strongly enough. For example, shooting both muggers dead would be an inappropriate response to the threat level in my example.

My example is a physical one, but my statement about guarding the heart is actually more important to the inner person. That is the area where we mainly get hurt by others because we have not taken the time to guard our hearts properly. We have weak walls, or we let the wrong people across our drawbridges. We let those who shouldn’t be inside so that they can spoil or abuse the core part that makes us unique.

My previous posting was about people who try to satisfy their needs in a dysfunctional way. These are the people we need to protect ourselves against. We’ve all met them – the con-artist, the user, the seducer, the sleazebag, the abuser, the thief.

That is why privacy is important. Privacy builds a barrier between a person’s inner and outer worlds. It lets you interact with the world on your own terms and gives you a measure of control over your heart. I have written a previous posting that discusses privacy, and I strongly recommend the book “How to be Invisible” by JJ Luna.

You need to understand that just because someone enters your life, they are not entitled to come right inside. Your inner world is worth keeping exclusive. That is the essential part of you. You need to be able to evaluate whether someone should come in or not. If you make a mistake in that area, you risk being hurt, taken advantage of, or even harmed. How can you tell the good person from the bad person?

It is important to cultivate the habit of observation and clear thinking. I would call this being street smart. No-one can teach you this; it is something you must learn yourself. Once you have done this, you will be more in touch with your intuition. This is the part of you that instantly processes input information in the background, faster than you can consciously think. It will allow you to instantly size up a person or situation.

Also, use some logic. Check for internal consistency. As Aristotle said, something can not both be something, and be its opposite at the same time. Someone who is unpleasant to someone else will eventually be the same to you. Someone who lies to other people will probably lie to you too. A thief will steal from you.

If you have a child, don’t believe the lies that you hear about letting kids find out things for themselves. Don’t let others pull their lives down. You need to protect them until they can build strong walls for themselves. Don’t abdicate your responsibility to be their guardian until they are ready.

Remember to protect your heart and your life from others who will spoil it. By becoming a bit more streetsmart, you will save a lot of problems.

Tags: citadel, heart, protecting, soul

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 19th, 2007 at 9:40 pm and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.