We all have needs. Our basic survival needs are clothing, shelter, food and warmth. Once these are met, our more advanced needs are based around self esteem. We need to fit into society, to be regarded well by others and to have satisfying relationships with others. Once we have met those, we can embark on the journey to expressing our true life purpose.

Generally our interaction with others is driven by mutuality – there is mutual benefit to every association. We meet our own needs by meeting the needs of other people – by anticipating and meeting them with a trade of our own.

Unfortunately some people are stuck at the very most basic levels of survival. Instead of reaching out to others in a constructive, mutually beneficial way, they think that they can take what they want. The natural requirement to satisfy needs is twisted around. For example, instead of pursuing respect, they aim for power over others. Instead of satisfying relationships, they seek dysfunctional and damaging ones. Instead of health and enough to prosper, they greedily seek gain through theft of the resources of others.

You may come across these people, particularly at work, since they are not people you will choose to associate with voluntarily. They will attempt to meet their needs (although this is not possible since they act in an unhealthy and ultimately self defeating way) by drawing you in and making you the victim. They are users – they evaluate others in terms of what that person can do for you.

You’ve met them before – the boss who keeps others working long after normal hours, but never rewards anyone. The person who damages every person who is foolish to get close enough to them. The skinflint or miser. The con-artist. The manipulator.

You can’t achieve your own freedom if you are pulled into their game. There is no way you can win. You always need to play the game of life with your own rules, not with the rules of others. This will mean acting in a way that doesn’t satisfy their needs and staying true to your own values. You will need to continue to pursue your own self interest.

When you are expected to work for a long time without compensation, look for a new job. If a relationship causes you nothing but pain, find a new one. If there’s someone who is taking without giving, let them go.

Don’t expect them to like it. You are not providing what they crave. However, you will personally be far better off. By learning to ignore the needs of others who try to use you, you will be able to move onto more mutually beneficial associations.

Tags: sociopaths, workplace psychopaths

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 17th, 2007 at 9:33 pm and is filed under Wealth and work. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.